Secrets of a Mom living with Depression

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People are willing to talk about mental illness a lot more now than ever before. As much as I believe that this helps bring awareness to depression, anxiety and other mental aspects of mental illness, it is still something that is, for the most part, kept quiet. I have felt so much more comfortable talking about my mental wellness during times when I am feeling GOOD. During times of depression, I will only talk to the people closest to me about how I am feeling, and I know I am not the only one.

Here are a few secrets of a mom with depression

Sometimes she wants to run away

Suicidal thoughts can sometimes be a symptom of wanting to escape. It’s a feeling of wanting to get away from all of the pain, sadness and emptiness. When my youngest was a baby I remember thinking about getting in the car and driving to Alberta. Why Alberta? I may never know… Clearly if I had been thinking clearly I would have at least been dreaming about California LOL.

Sometimes She goes out into the world, looking “fine” and then comes home to cry

Holla at all my ladies living with high-functioning depression or anxiety! You can go to work, do a kick-ass job, run your errands, put on makeup, smile and seemingly breeze through a day all while feeling dead inside. Then at home you might not have the energy to take care of your kids or complete any household chores. You might crawl directly into your bed, pull the covers up over your head and shed some tears. I see you.

Sometimes She doesn’t want to “admit” that she is on meds or that the meds help her feel better

Her goal is to get off the mediation no matter what. She doesn’t want to NEED pills to make her feel better. She tries to wean herself off of them only to feel worse and then she needs to increase her dose yet again. She’s frustrated with herself and asks questions like, “why can I just feel normal?'“

Sometimes she texts that she’s fine while wiping tears from her eyes

I’m fine = I’m NOT fine. Maybe she doesn’t feel like talking about it right now and that’s ok. She wants to be alone for a while and will be ok again soon. She just need some time.

She tells you she’s busy when she’s not

I usually just tell people I’m not up to it and I tell them why, but I have been on the receiving end of this one. You KNOW your friend isn’t doing well and you want to get her out of the house. If she continues to say no, keep offering! Do not take it personally. Even if she isn’t able to come out of the house on that day, tomorrow might be a better day. If tomorrow is still sucky, ask again the next day! When you feel like ass balls it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of you and cares.

-Breyen